Runs Too Deep
by The Little Swimmy Dudette
Summary: Pippin has been ignoring his love for Merry, but after seeing Sam and Frodo, he is shocked back into thinking. Merry witnesses a breakdown, and starts to worry. (Slash)
1. Reminders

Runs too Deep  
  
Notes: (...) denotes a thought.  
[...] denotes Merry's "rational" side talking. (You'll get it later.)  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine... although if I owned Middle Earth It would be rated NC- 17 and no one wants that now do they?  
  
Warnings: This fic is slash. It contains gay hobbits. And some of them are incest... so read on if you can handle the horrible-ness of being gay and in love with your cousin... smirk  
  
Please review, it's my birthday. Really. July 26, 2004. I posted this on my birthday. Review please! Also, if you are interested, I have other fics I would love someone to beta. (Unless the ImmortalFlick wants to...)  
  
Thank-you ImmortalFlick, you're the best!   
  
Chapter One-- Reminders  
  
A dimly lit corridor led to a door, as do most. The special thing about this door was the fact it was open, barely, but still enough for the lone candle's light to shine around the door and spill into the corridor, causing a silhouette. It was a sight worthy of a painting, but the hobbit that crept up to the door was not interested in the candle, or the door. He was intent on the soft moans coming through the crack.  
  
These moans were not painful ones, no; they were the sort that one can achieve only by being both extremely content and pleasured at the same time. Of course, Pippin was too naive to understand this fact of life. To Pippin it sounded as though someone was dieing, a fantasy he harbored more and more since the Quest. He crept closer to the door, not sure of whom was behind that door, and not wishing to startle anyone. Pippin had grown very suspicious of everything as of late, probably brought on by his lack of sleep, and wasn't sure if he wanted anything to do with whatever was going on in that room at the moment.  
  
Suddenly the moans became louder, and there seemed to be quite a bit of activity behind that door. Pippin quickened his pace and placed a hand on the door knob, pushing ever so softly. He planned to take a peek, see what it was that had awoken him, and then go from there. To his surprise and fright the door flew open much quicker than he would have liked, and Pippin didn't have time to get a grip on the knob. Pippin watched in horror as the door slid silently on the hinges, then crashed very loudly into the wall inside the room.  
  
The noises from a bed placed dead center in the room stopped immediately, and everyone froze. Pippin was standing wide eyed on the thresh hold, and Samwise and Frodo lay in a rather compromising position on the bed. No one moved for a moment, moment stretched to seconds, and seconds to minutes. Suddenly, once his shocked brain started functioning again, Pippin gave a strangled cry that was half sob and half confused yelp.  
  
The noise sent the hobbits back into motion, and Pippin turned and fled like a rabbit from a very large, hungry wolf, his heart beating twice as fast as any rabbits should. Stumbling down the corridor, he opened a random door and ducked inside. The room was one Pip had never seen before, though he had thought he knew every nook and cranny of Bag End. It was obviously one of Frodo's "secret" studies. He had found them all and they had all been locked. Except this one apparently. However, it was another "secret" of Frodo's that he cared about. (How could I not see it?) Pippin thought, mentally kicking himself. (They were so obvious! Constantly with each other, they even went on a journey together for goodness sake! It could have just as easily been me or Merry.) Pippin realized he was still standing in the center of the room, and finally, collapsed on the floor, giving is still pounding heart a break. Sobs vibrating through his frail body. "Oh, Merry." He spoke slowly, and then dissolved into tears again.  
  
Pippin had been successfully barring any thoughts of his cousin from his mind, but the sight of Sam and Frodo together had reminded him of what he wanted most of all. What he could have achieved. If he wasn't pushing Merry away. If he weren't too afraid to even hug his cousin anymore. If he wasn't so worried about loosing control, worried he would make unwelcome advances. (I'm so scared he won't want me. That he will push me away and hate me. That's worse than this. Much worse. I can't live without Merry. Life near him is torture, but life without him...) Pippin shuddered at the prospect of life without being able to watch Merry's radiant beauty from the sidelines.  
  
"Why does it have to be so hard to love him? Why?" Pippin choked out to the empty room. "He is everything I want, and everything I can't have..." Pippin trailed off into a new bout of tears.  
  
Eventually Pippins pained sobs ceased, and the hobbit lay on the floor for a while longer to collect his strength, then forced himself to stand and, wiping slightly damp curls out of his eyes, he stumbled off to find his room. Once Pippin was gone Merry stepped out of the shadows behind the desk and leaned on the desk for support. He had found Frodo's private study unlocked yesterday, and had slipped in for some light reading later that night. When he had heard the footsteps he thought it was Frodo and had hidden.  
  
Though after witnessing Pippins episode, he was right shook up, as the  
hobbits say. He  
Reached up to move an offending dark-brown curl out of his line of  
sight, only to  
discover he too had been crying. Perhaps seeing the Great, More-  
Mischievous-Than-  
Merry Pippin crying his eyes out had been too much for him. Or it  
could've been the fact  
that Pippin had been crying his eyes out over him. Either or.  
  
So it all came down to the fact that Pippin had feelings for him but thought- something. Maybe he thought it wrong himself. Or perhaps it was that he thought Merry didn't go that way. Or because they were directly related. Or a combination. None of these reasons made their way into Merry's head. (Why does he think he couldn't have me?) Merry thought. (I should ask him. Right now.) But then the rational side of Merry made a guest appearance.  
  
[No you Idiot! That would scare him off! Let him come to you.]  
  
(Why don't you ever show up when I need to think things through first more often?)  
  
[So you'll listen when I do speak up.]  
  
(Oh) Merry shook his head. "Great! Now my mind is talking to itself! I've gone mad for sure." Merry muttered. [Mad for Pip maybe.] "Oh shut up. I'm going to sleep." Merry started for his room. [Talking to your head now? Maybe you are insane.]  
  
Merry ignored the last thought and went to bed.  
  
Read and Review, it's my Birthday. If you review, you get a gift! In honor of the hobbits! What kind of gifts? Review to find out!  
  
(Press 'Review story' button... now.) 


	2. Confessions

Thanks to all the lovely reviewers!  
  
Eldawen- I wuv it too! And here is your present... an empty shampoo bottle! Enjoy!  
  
Alice- Thank-you! It was happy. And your present... a lovely pair of gray socks! (I think they were white when I got them...)  
  
KAJ- Yay! I have made a not so big fan happy! I feel sorry for Pip too but sometimes you have to be brutal to write a heartwarming tale. Your present... a second hand copy of Nancy Drew # 2, its missing chapter 9 though... have fun!  
  
Deagol Smeagol- But satisfaction brought him back! Thank-you and your present is... a ring! Not THE ring but its gold spray paint at least...  
  
Heather- Two not so big fans? faints from joy Oh, good! Glad you like it! Here's a present for you... an empty AAA battery! Good for... umm, dollhouse doorstops?  
  
This Is A Conspiracy- Thank-you! And you're welcome! (I'm tasteful! And well-written! Huzzah!) Gift for you... a chipped soup bowl.  
  
theifofblueness- Thank-you! Here's an update and a gift... a shoe box filled with band-aids! (un-used of course)

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Well, I hope everyone enjoys their presents! In the honor of hobbit tradition they aren't NICE presents per say... I was literally smiling for hours after receiving so many nice reviews! Please, let the reviews keep flowing!  
  
This chapter is kinda short, but I promise longer soon! Maybe I'll update before Monday next week...  
  
Disclaimer- Not mine, I made no money... sadly.  
  
Chapter Two-- Confessions  
  
When Merry woke the next morning, he found it to be almost time for second breakfast, and the house bustling with activity. After changing the clothes he had worn yesterday, for he had fallen asleep in his clothes, Merry left his room and made his way down to the kitchen, where the servants were making all sorts of wonderful things to eat. Swiping a roll Merry allowed himself to be shooed out by an only slightly annoyed cook.  
  
Munching on the roll, still warm from the oven, Merry thought about how great it was to have servants. After the quest, Cousin Frodo had seen to it that at least while the other Hobbits stuck around, his guests wouldn't have to do a thing.  
  
Reaching Frodo's dining room he found the cheery atmosphere in the kitchen stopped at the door. Frodo and Sam were sitting next to each other at the head, and Pippin was alone on one side. Merry's smile vanished as he sat next to his cousin and instantly felt is unease, something he hadn't noticed until now, when he had been proverbially smacked around the head with it last night. "So... What's going on?" Merry said. No one spoke. "You could find more cheer in Isengard..." Merry chuckled nervously, realizing now was NOT the time.  
  
"Please Merry, this is NOT the time. We've been waiting for you since before first breakfast. Be serious for once." Frodo said rather sharply. "Sorry..." Merry muttered. Frodo sighed. "Okay, listen. There is something we need to say." Frodo looked at Sam, who nodded and squeezed his hand. Merry deduced that 'we' meant Sam and Frodo. Frodo took a deep breath and continued. "We are tired of sneaking around behind your backs, and we apologize for that, but now we are going to tell you everything." Frodo paused. "Sam and I...we're, well, we're together."  
  
There was a moment of silence while this sunk in. "You mean... Like you're... Together?" Merry said weakly. The rational part of Merry's brain was screaming at him. [NO! You fool! Show support! Support! Or else Pip will think you're against this kind of thing!!!] "I mean, that makes sense and, No! I mean.. erm.." Merry spluttered on, his brain was giving him no help at all. "That's great!" Pippin said brightly. Merry looked at Pippin, and saw something flare up there, what was it? Hope maybe?  
  
"Yes! That's really, really great. You go well together. Honestly." Merry said, finally slowing down enough to form a sentence. Sam, who had been silent up till now said, "You really think that? You're not lying?" Merry took a second to think. He saw everyones worried looks, he thought of the love he could feel between the two older hobbits, and knew his answer."Yes. I really do."  
  
Sam and Frodo smiled tremendously. They stood and hugged Merry and Pippin fiercely. "Oh good, good, good. I had hoped so." Frodo said quietly. Sam took Frodo's hand back. "We were up most of the night, trying to decide how to tell you, I'm glad this worked out." Sam said, looking genuinely happy. "So am I." Pippin said. "Although I knew already, because of last night... Oh, and I'm sorry for that by the way."  
  
"Quite alright Pip." Sam, Frodo, and Merry said simultaneously.  
  
Pippin turned to look at Merry. "What?" Pippin said, brows furrowed a look of pure confusion in his green eyes, brighter than all the grass and leaves in the Shire. Merry looked at Pippin and lost his previous train of thought, which had consisted of, [What the hell did you say that for?] Now he was lost. (What happened? Um, his eyes... uh...Oh, he is so perfect when he's confused.) Merry thought. [That's most of the time anyway.] (That was uncalled for.) [Deal with it.] (Either give me something worth saying or shut up.) [Alright. Go get your Pip then. Then take him to bed.] The rational mind sneered. This thought stirred images in Merry's mind. Dirty ones.  
  
"Mer. What did you say?" Pippin woke Merry from his thoughts. "I, uh, said.. erm.. what was the question?" Merry stammered quickly, a blush rising in his face. He was trying to concentrate on what Pippin had said, but the imaginings were drowning out any other thoughts. Realization spread over Pippins face. "Oh God Merry. How could you?" Pippin whispered, tears forming in his eyes. Standing, Pippin slapped Merry as hard as was Hobbitly possible, and fled the room.  
  
The three remaining hobbits stared after him, wide eyed. Merry was cradling his face in his hands. "Not quite sure I deserved that."  
  
(A/N: Well, sorry that was so short, but rest assured, the others are longer.)  
  
Review! And thou shalt receive a flyingtacklehuggle! 


	3. Visits

Yay! This one is longer!

Disclaimer: Think about this. If I owned LotR, would I be sitting here posting for no profit? NO, I BLOODY WELL WOULDN'T BE!

Deagol Smeagol- Thank you for the lovely review! FLYINGTACKLEHUGGLE!!!! You're welcome.

Alice- You better believe it! Thank you for reviewing again! I love repeating reviewers! Means people are following the story. Flyingtacklehuggle!!!

Ginny 3000- Yay! I LOVE JACK! Thank you for reviewing and... flyingtacklehuggle!!!!

By the way, I swore a bit in this chapter, in case you cared to know ahead of time.

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Chapter 3— Visits

Pippin wasn't crying. He would never cry over that cruel bastard ever again. (He wasn't worth my tears then, and he isn't now.) Pippin thought, while sitting on is bed determined not to shed a single tear. Several hours later and he had kept that vow. But it was hard to convince himself that they could never be. "He's my cousin for the sake of the Shire! It couldn't have worked anyhow. And he went and slept with Frodo and Sam. How did I miss him there? He must have been under the..." Pippin closed his eyes and redirected his thoughts. Pippin sighed, "Oh well, not a tear shall I shed for the hobbit who has broken my heart." (And stolen it.) "No. I cry no longer. I love no longer. Never again. It's just not worth the trouble and heartache." Pippin said softly.

"You don't mean that, cousin." Merry said, coming all the way through the door.

Pippin stared at Merry, flabbergasted. Amazed this hobbit would have the nerve... "You're sick. Absolutely, completely sick. How can you even begin to think you have the right to come here?" Pippin said calmly. "You see, you seemed to think you had the right to slap me, and I have come to find out what I did to deserve it." Merry said, looking Pippin right on the eye. "Do you think this funny? To pretend you don't know! I'm disgusted. Just leave me alone." Pippin said, on the brink of hysterics.

"Humor me this once Pip. I want-" Pippin broke through. "DON'T CALL ME PIP!" Pippin yelled. Then calming a bit he continued. "My friends call me Pip. I don't even know you. Sick bastard." Merry was shocked. He had only heard Pippin curse once before. And that was after some hobbit-boy pushed his sister into the Brandywine. [You're in for it now.] (Shut up. I can't deal with you now.)

"Okay, fine. Pippin. I would like for us to talk this out like rational adults." Merry began. "Rational? Adults? Since when are we either of those?" Pippin said disbelievingly. "Look, if you would just talk to me-" Merry started again, only to be cut off. "I'm not going to waste another minute of my time on your damned 'talking', so leave now before I have to hurt you Meriodoc Brandybuck." Pippin said, reaching behind to his desk to pick up a letter opener. "You have 10 seconds. And I'm a very good shot."

"Ten..."

"You wouldn't hurt your family. Would you?"

"Nine..."

[He is no family of yours any longer.]

"Eight..."

"Come on Pip- I mean, Pippin, please don't be doing this."

"Seven... Six"

"You mean it. OhmyGod."

"Five..."

"Well then. I'll see you around."

"Four... Three...

"Got to be going..."

"Two..."

"One."

Pippin let the opener fly and it hit the door, which had just shut, at the last moment. It took a moment for Pippin to realize what he had just done. (Oh. My. God. What have I done?) Pippin dropped to the floor and wept. He wept not for Merry, but for himself. For the empty shell of a hobbit he had become in a few short hours. For everything he had said, for the blade quivering, even now, in the door. And Pippin wept for his friends, for everyone he had hurt. Except Merry. No. Especially Merry.

He was still in love. He had fallen right back in love the moment Merry had walked through the door, He couldn't stop it. The love would follow him forever. Even though he had betrayed him. He really did disgust Pippin, but he loved him more than he could ever hate him. The love runs too deep. Far too deep.

####

Merry sat in a large armchair and stared into the empty grate before him. He had not the strength to start a fire for himself, or to summon a servant. So he stared. Even willing a fire to start itself would have been too taxing. All he could do was relive the last few moments in that room and listen to the one part of his brain that could still think straight.

[He did it. He actually threw that knife at you, you heard the thump. It hit the door right where your head should have been.] (Pippin.) That was only thought his mind could conjure. His Pippin. No, the Pippin that could have been his. Should have been his. [You should hate him. He tried to kill you.] (No. Can't. Family.) His mind told him, not recovered enough to put it in sentence format. [Not that he cared, eh? He wasn't worth it. Admit it. He was never worth your love.] The Rational side said quite smugly, sure it had won the battle.

"Love." Merry said aloud. "Love." He said again, slower this time. "I do love him." These few words were enough to wake Merry from his reverie, and jolt some sense into him. "Oh, God. I love him so much. And now he hates me. Oh, oh, oh..."Merry moaned. He was filled with pain, but at the same time he was happy. As though some great weight had been let loose. And though Merry did not know it, it was his heart, filled with pure, untainted love for Pippin. And it ran deep. Very deep.

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Oooo... NOW I get the title! Ha ha ha! There was a point!

Now REVIEW or I'll set my pet uruk-hai on you! If you do then I'll send a hobbit on over to erm... entertain you...


	4. Itches

So many reviews, so little space!

Thanks to Heather (Twice), Alice(once again), aaronhasprettyeyes, and ImmortalFlick (My dear, dear beta)

Marilyn, My Bitterness- Hicks (like me) say it all the time!

Theifofblueness- hope froggie was OK!

I tried to make that shorter, and it worked. So, I have sent out my army of Uruk-hai, and now everyone who reviewed is coming to my GREAT BIG HOBBIT FUN FAIR! wOOt, eh?

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Chapter 4 – Itches

A few days passed, Pippin stayed locked up in his room, refusing to talk to anyone. The servants left food outside the door, and the next day they would find the tray, barely touched. But he was eating, though very little (for a hobbit), and that gave everyone hope. Maybe eventually he would come out, though everyday the note left by Sam, or Frodo, or Merry would remain in the envelope, unopened and untouched.

Merry speculated this was because the letter opener was still in the door.

Merry had plenty of time for such speculations, as he spent almost as much time as Pippin in his own room. Mainly he was fighting loosing battles with his mind.

(What did I do? I can't think of anything. He must have given me a clue somewhere... but where?)

[In the slap perhaps? Or the knife he threw at your head?]

(It was a letter opener and no. Those were results... I think.)

[Maybe he just hates you.]

(No. It can't be that. He said so himself! He said he loved me in that room!)

[Then he has a funny way of showing it. Does he love every bastard he meets or just you?]

(He was upset! He couldn't have meant it...)

[Are you sure of that?]

####

Sam and Frodo had been spending some time in their room also. Sure they were worried about Merry and Pippin but those two would get over it. Ah, to be young and in love. And besides, when you've just been given the go ahead by your family, it's kind of hard to forget your own needs.

####

When at last Merry, Sam and Frodo had managed to converge in one place, it had been just under two weeks since anyone had seen Pippin, and Pippin was still locked up, and not eating properly.

The three hobbits sat around the dining table, though no food was set. Sam and Frodo had come in and found Merry sitting just as he had been the day Pippin had slapped him, as was his habit of late. He could sit for hours, just staring at the door and thinking about what he could have done to upset Pippin so terribly. And he did just that. Which was good, for Merry was far too tired to be moving about.

"Merry, what's wrong?" Frodo asked, sitting beside his troubled cousin.

"Hmmm, I don't know. Perhaps the fact my cousin has locked himself in his room, refusing to eat or see anyone. Oh, and he tried to kill me. That just might be it. Just a thought." Merry said.

"Really, no need to be so bitter Merry. I was only trying to be a concerned friend." Frodo stated, feeling rather put-off by Merry's sourness.

"Of course. I am sorry Frodo. I just don't feel myself lately. This whole business with Pippin, I'm constantly tired and I have this rash that just doesn't help at all." Merry said dourly.

"Quite alright, Mr. Merry, s'not your fault. We all have that kind of day, beggin' your pardon." Sam said, sitting beside his Frodo.

"Sam, you don't have to call me Mister all the time. Merry will do just fine. You don't work for me and besides, you're just about part of the family now."

"Yes Mis- I mean, Merry. Is there anything we can do to help you?" Sam asked, blushing at the thought of being 'part of the family'. "No. I was just sitting here, you know, thinking." Merry said pointedly. Sam got the message.

"Of course, Merry. Well Frodo dear, we'd best be going. Stuff to do." Sam said, standing and taking Frodo's hand to help him up. "But Sam, I-" Frodo's protest was cut off as Sam whispered something in his ear. "Oh. Yes. THAT stuff to do... We'll see you at dinner Merry." Frodo and Sam scurried off to do their stuff and Merry continued to stare at the wall.

####

You can't see through walls. It's just not possible. That is why they invented doors. Walls that move out of the way. But Pippin didn't want to open the door. That was weakness. He just wanted to know what was happening out there.

Were they worried? Were they mourning the loss of him? Or were they happy? Were they glad to be rid of the youngest hobbit, the one who tagged along? The hobbit that got in the way. The foolish hobbit. Foolish. Fool.

"NO! I am not a fool. Not a fool. Merry said so. Yup. Hear that brain? He may not want me but he says I'm not a fool." Pippin said aloud. He had taken to that while he sat in the room. It was comforting to hear a voice, any voice.

It got very lonely all alone in that room. A few times Pippin had contemplated suicide, but not for long. It was not the nature of hobbits to kill themselves, not under usual circumstances. They loved life too much to want to be dead. Usually.

"I bet he's sitting outside the door right now, worrying himself into a frenzy, waiting for me to come out so he can apologize. But I won't listen. Nope. Well, maybe." Pippin said, sitting up a little straighter, as though expecting Merry to come bursting through the door.

When he didn't come Pippin settled back down and continued to try and stare through the wall.

####

Merry just didn't understand. Why had Pippin gotten so upset?

[Lets run through everything he said. First there was, 'You're sick. Absolutely, completely sick.' Then, 'I'm disgusted. Just leave me alone.' And then-]

(Okay, okay I get it. Just leave it alone.)

[No it was 'just leave ME alone.']

(Gah! You leave me alone!) Merry thought furiously, scratching his leg.

[NO! 'Just leave me-]

"Shut-up! Just SHUT-UP!!!" Merry yelled, still scratching.

[You should stop scratching that. It's not good.]

(Why should I?) scratch scratch

[It's just not good.]

(Why?) scratch

[Because I said so. Listen to me.]

(You know what? Just leave me alone.) scratch

[FINALLY!!!]

"GAH!!!!" Merry growled out loud. He shook his head and continued to think, ignoring that really annoying part of his brain. Then he scratched his leg.

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I'm too sleepy to write anything entertaining down here. O.o

Just review please. Thanks!


	5. Second Visits

Okay, for some reason I kept on getting stuck, I wanted to make you sweet reviewers happy so I never sent this to my dear Beta... so any mistakes are mine mine mine.

I stopped writing answers to the reviews... I'll thank you next chapter, don't be mad.

Without further ado, Chapter Five.

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Chapter Five- Second Visits

Pippin never was a very patient hobbit. He hated waiting, yet that was exactly what he forced himself to do. Especially now, waiting to open the door and get the food he knew was out there. He was hungry for the first time in weeks God damnit, and he wanted his food NOW.

No one would wait outside the door right? So it was safe right? Okay, go now.

####

The door opened so fast Merry almost walked into it. Wait! That was Pippin's door! The door opened! He was coming out! Finally, now he could talk to him. [Why would he want to talk to you? He hates you now. Remember?] Merry thought (We'll see about that.)

Pippin grabbed the tray and straightened up. He looked both ways to make sure no one was around, and froze, eyes locked with Merry's.

Merry tried desperately to see what Pippin was thinking, leaving his own eyes unguarded. (What is he thinking? Why hasn't he left yet? Screamed? Yelled? Ran away?) Merry thought, hurriedly, focused on seeing into Pippin's soul.

Suddenly Pippin realized he was standing in the hallway, door open, and Merry, the very hobbit who had driven him into the room in the first place was standing before him, looking every inch the heartbroken hobbit. And Pippin was looking into his eyes. What he found there surprised him. Was that sorrow?

(RETREAT!!!!!!!!) Pippin's mind screamed suddenly, shaking him into motion. Pippin moved back into the room, drawing the door with him, never letting go of the tray.

[Gah! He's getting away! Nooo!] Merry leapt for the door, toward the diminishing gap, toward Pippin.

Pippin saw him leap, and tried to pull the door faster. But it was too little too late. Merry got an arm into the room and Pippin couldn't shut the door on his arm. He moved away from the door, and got behind the bed, still upright and clutching the tray. Merry opened the door and slipped inside.Merry stood before the door, breathing heavy. (Wait! I'm not prepared! What do I say?) So he just stood, taking in the surroundings. The bed was rumpled, though that was to be expected, and the chest of drawers was thrown open, clothes were strewn everywhere. There was parchment, half written on, sitting on the desk, and as Merry had suspected, the letter opener was indeed in the door still.

"Love what you've done with the place." Merry said, still eyeing the room, looking anywhere but at Pippin. He seemed calm, and collected but inside he was screaming at himself. (How the HELL was that supposed to help get him back? YOU IDIOT!)

Pippin winced at the comment but quickly regained his composure. What had he expected? A heartfelt apology? A declaration of love? (Yeah right.) His brain told him. (He slept with your cousin and his gardener.) Pippin regarded Merry icily. "Glad to hear it. So, howhave you been? Been having a jolly good time with Sam and Frodo I imagine." Pippin said, voice as cold as his gaze.  
  
"Actually, they keep to themselves mostly." Merry said blankly, wondering at Pippin's reason for mentioning them. [Perhaps he's jealous of you. Perhaps he wants to be with Sam or Frodo.](No. No, he could never want that.) Merry told the voice, though in his heart he wondered if what It said was true. Could Pippin be in love with Sam or Frodo?

Pippin was a bit surprised that Merry, Sam and Frodo hadn't been together the whole time he was holed up. After all, they were partners in crime. "Really? Well, too bad for you then, eh?" Pippin said bitterly.

[See what I mean? He wishes he were you.]

"What are you talking about?" Merry said, confused. Pippin laughed coldly. "Like you don't know.Honestly." Pippin scoffed. "Humor me. Just the once." Merry said, eyes pleading. "Please?"

Pippin's heart nearly melted. That voice. Those sad, sad eyes. Can't refuse. "Fine." Pippin paused to refreeze his emotions. "You, Meriadoc, slept with our cousin, and the gardener." Saying it out loud was strange. The words tasted sour on his lips.

Merry heard but couldn't understand. (He thinks I- Why would he-) [You see? I told you. He wants Sam and Frodo.] (No. That's not what he meant.) Merry could feel a headache coming on. [Ask him then. Ask who he loves. He said so already. He doesn't love you.]

The two hobbits stood in silence. Pippin was thinking about what he had just said. Was it true? He was fairly certain, that was why he had left... but no one had actually said so. (No, no, no! It is! That's why you have been here, why he never got close to you, why he knew you knew about the other two!)Suddenly Pippin was very aware of everything. He felt the weight of the tray in his hands; it felt magnified, as though someone had added twenty pounds while he wasn't watching. The room was in shambles. He saw Merry, looking very confused, features contorting slightly with some inner turmoil.

"Why would you think that?" Merry's voice was so quiet he barely heard himself. In spite of being quiet it did not shake. Pippin remained silent. Merry was just starting to think Pippin hadn't heard him when he spoke.

"Because. You did and you know it. Stop pretending you don't. Do not make me repeat your last visit, Merry." Pippin said, trembling a bit. Merry froze in shock.(Repeat? He would do it again?) [Told you so. He doesn't love you.] Pippin didn't know why he had said this. It wasn't supposed to happen like this! Words were just popping out. "Know what? Just leave me alone." Pippin said, or rather heard himself say, not remembering telling his lips to move, or his mouth to form words. Especially not those words.

[He doesn't love you.]

Merry still stood stock still. (No. Nonononono. He's doing it again.)

Pippin abruptly grew sick of standing here. "Why are you here? Haven't you tormented me enough?"

"No" replied Merry, who reworded quickly, "I mean, yes. I mean, I don't know." While he spoke his headache intensified, and he was acutely aware of his rash. (Gah! What am I talking about? I don't know.)

"Look," Pippin said, "I don't want to stand here all day listening to you babble. Spit it out."

"Ah, you see... what I mean is... well you see..." Merry wanted to break down and sob. This was just too much. This wasn't supposed to happen yet. And the damned voice kept going.

[He never loved you. It was a lie. A filthy dirty lie.]

"The thing is..." [Look at him. He hates you. You are like the mud on his feet.]

Merry started to sweat. It was so hot in here. So damn hot. He tried to speak but found his jaw was locking. Painfully.

[He won't love you.]

The room started to spin, like they were on a Merry-go-round.

[Can't love you.]

"Merry? Are you alright?" Pippin asked nervously.

All Merry's attention snapped onto Pippin. He was like the light at the end o the tunnel. With out telling his body to, Merry began moving toward Pippin. Everything was centered on Pippin. But his knees were weak, and threatened to give out. Merry's head was echoing loudly those words, those awful words.

[He doesn't love you]

"Shut up! Shut up! God, why won't you go away?!? Damnit, leave me alone!!" Merry shouted, unable to restrain himself. "Stop torturing me already!" Merry's hands buried themselves in his hair, trying to find the source of all the frustration.

His legs began to cave beneath him, and he plummeted to the floor. He was unconscious before he hit the ground.

* * *

The chapter name lacked its usual... oomf. Sadly, that is all you get! And the last chapter will be for wrapping up loose ends and/or answering questions you have. So start thinking of anything that didn't make sense to you and I'll do my best. Also, I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up, I've been falling behind... haven't begun Chapter Six yet. It'll be the last full-blown chapter. I think. Most likely. Like I said, I still have to write it. 


	6. Reflections

I am such a crap author!!! I left this hanging so long! But here I am now, chapter six, one more to go, then an epilogue (hopefully).

THANKS TO ALL THE REVIEWERS!!! I have neither the time nor the space to thank you all enough. So thank you all so very much! throws kisses

Chapter Six

A candle sat on the side table, illuminating the chair and the hobbit sitting in it next to the bed. Perigrin Took was watching over his dear cousin, hoping he would wake, but unsure of what to do when he awoke.

Should he remain in his seat, and not speak, waiting for Merry to make the first move? Or should he greet him with a 'Good morning' and, again, watch Merry to see what he would do? Or should he launch himself onto his cousin in a tight embrace and hope it was welcome?

Pippin sighed. This working out the scenario in his head thing wasn't working. It all depended on whether or not Merry accepted Pippin's apology. (I screwed things up in a big way. Gods I hope he forgives me.)

Pippin sat back and thought about what had happened. He had been very frightened when Merry had started toward him, looking as though his mind had taken leave. Then he started yelling, which had been even worse. Once Pippin had worked out that Merry was yelling at his head, he had gone all but mad. His eyes were red and he looked to be attempting to gain access to his brain from the outside.

When he had fallen over, to Pippin it was slow motion. Merry's form arched and cut through the air, arcing gracefully toward the ground. Once he hit the ground Pippin was by his side in a heartbeat. He took Merry's pulse and ran out the door, calling for help. He didn't want to leave his cousin lying on the floor all alone, but he had to, the pulse had been weak and irregular.

The doctor had rushed over and immediately given Merry some sort of plant. He had told the inhabitants of Bag End that now Merry needed some good old fashioned rest. And rest Merry had, staying unconscious for three days. Pippin had never left his side. Sam and Frodo had been in also, and the three conscious hobbits had had some serious discussions. Pippin now realized his mistakes, and hoped that Merry could forgive him.

A movement on the bed jerked Pippin from his thoughts. (Oh dear! What to do now?) After thinking for about two nanoseconds Pippin decided to follow his heart. Merry sat up, suddenly waking from his sleep. He glanced wildly around, attempting to get his bearings. When he realized he was still on Middle-Earth and there were no otherworldly being about, he slowed don enough to recognize the hobbit watching him intently from the chair beside his bed.

" 'Lo Pip." Merry said, sitting up. Pippin stared a moment longer and lunged forward, capturing Merry in a rib crushing embrace. "Oh Gods Merry, I thought I lost you! I could never live with out you…" Pippin sobbed once, then pulled back, and looked Merry sternly in the eye. "Do me a favor Merry, and never frighten me like that again. If you feel the need to faint please warn me."

This elicited a smile from Merry. He had missed Pippin's sense of humor, while he had been locked in his room. (Oh! The room! Wait…) "Pip. I need to talk to you." Pippin lowered his eyes, not wanting to look Merry straight anymore. "I figured you would." He sighed. The hobbits sat in a tense silence, wondering where to begin. Finally Pippin decided to bite the bullet.

"Look, Mer, I'm awful sorry, I shouldn't have just assumed you would, well, do that sort of thing… and I oughtn't have hit you either." Pippin looked up to see how this was being received. Merry's eyes were closed, and he looked rather tense. "Pip, I… I'm sorry too. I should have explained everything right away… you could have been spared all this pain."

"Merry! It wasn't your fault! You were sick!" Pippin reprimanded his cousin softly. Merry looked profoundly stumped. "Pippin, what are you talking about? I can't remember how I got here. Why am I in Frodo's room?"

Pippin guiltily smiled. "Of course. You fainted. Or collapsed. Something like that. Any how, I got the doctors, they brought you here, and I haven't left this chair since you hit that bed. They said you would be fine. You've been all medicined up."

Merry smiled. Pippin had stayed at his bedside. He cared. He actually cared. (Ok, you can contradict me now. Any time you feel like it.) When he realized it wasn't coming, he opened his eyes that he didn't remember closing. "Pippin, last few days, there was this voice of reason in my head. What did the doctors do that got rid of it?"

Pippin looked puzzled. "A what? Oh! You mean like a little voice inside your head? You talked to it right before you, umm, fainted. The doctors said that whatevertheheckyouhad it may have caused holl- hall-ush, hal-ush-in-an-ate-shuns. Like, imaginary things. You know?"

"So… it wasn't real? And anything it told me… it wasn't true?" Merry said hopefully. Pippin gazed at his cousin. His mood had just gone from brooding sickly hobbit to a wide-eyed hopeful hobbit. (Probably just the medication)

"I guess not… why?" Pippin was a bit worried. Merry laughed suddenly. "Oh! Pippin! This is great! Absolutely wonderful… they were all lies! All lies…" Merry said in a singsong voice. Then he changed again. "Oh… Pippin… I'm so sorry… I should have told you from the start."

"Merry, are you feeling alright? You're worse than Sam talking about Gollum." Pippin was really worried now. Perhaps they should wait a while to continue this conversation. "Merry, you know, you need some more sleep. We weren't supposed to keep you awake too long…"

Merry looked resigned. "Actually, sleep sounds.. pretty… good." And he was asleep.

Pippin took Merry's hand in his, and settled down for a proper sleep.


	7. Awakenings

Chapter Seven-- Awakenings

When the two hobbits woke again, the medicine had worn off a bit, and Merry was back to his regular self again. Merry awoke to find Pippin asleep, head resting on the edge of the bed, and his hand grasped in Merry's. He smiled at the sight, and adjusted himself to a much more comfortable position. Sitting up, he reached a hand out to caress the crown of Pippin's hair.

(He is so beautiful. I can't believe he could love- wait. We still have to talk about that…) Merry's smile faded somewhat, and as he summoned up the courage to talk about everything that had happened, he softly shook Pippin's shoulder. "Pip?" Merry said equally as softly. "Pippin, wake up."

Pippin moaned something that sounded suspiciously like 'Five more minutes Mother', and tried to roll over. He fell with a loud thump to the floor beside the bed, which happened to wake him up sufficiently. "Pippin? You alright?" Merry asked as Pippin stood and brushed himself off.

"Yes, I'm alright. In fact I'm…" Pippin trailed off as he looked up into Merry's eyes. A smile quickly overtook anything he was going to say, and the two hobbits stood (and sat) grinning at each other for a solid five minutes.

Finally Merry broke the silence. "Oh, you've got something… dust maybe. Come here." Pippin gravitated closer, and leaned over the bed till he was a foot away from Merry. Merry reached out a hand and gently took the young hobbit's face in his hand. He brushed a thumb over the smooth skin and relished the sensation. Pippin leaned in toward Merry's hand, willing him to never let him go.

"Pippin…" Merry's voice was sad. Pippin looked imploringly into Merry's eyes. "Why did you think I could never love you?"

Pippin pulled back surprised. "You know? How… When?"

"Few weeks ago. You were in the room… Frodo's study? I would have come out… but you started talking… and, well, I couldn't very well come out after you started on." Merry looked down, realizing how much could have been avoided… and how much he never would have known.

"Were you ever going to tell me, Pip?"

"Well… no. I was afraid to. I still am"

"You don't need to be. Oh Pippin… I… I love you."

Pippin's head shot up. Wide eyed he stared at Merry. "You… You do?" The look in Merry's eyes was all he needed to see. "Oh Merry! I love you too!" Pippin leant down and caught Merry's lips in a searing kiss. It spoke of love, of fear and doubt being erased, of joy, passion, and the life they could have together. It spoke of Merry and Pippin.

When they separated, they both knew this was it. This was the only love they would ever want, ever need. No words were needed for them to communicate this feeling, because their love spoke for them. Closing the blinds, Pippin climbed onto Merry's bed began to whisper sweet nothings…

* * *

Finally! I finished a story!!! This was a labor of love. I rather like it too. I am such a romantic in that last bit. What a pushover…

Finally, I would like to thank every reviewer.

Eldawen, Alice(5), KAJ, Degol Smeagol(3), Heather(5), This Is A Conspiracy(3), theifofblueness(4), Ginny 3000, aaronhasprettyeyes, ImmortalFlick, Nazi Chic, kat, Ammerz, Lady-Willowish, Anime Writer2, Neral Idazmi, Ryou's Oni, lady-gamgee, piptook, mernpip4ever, Mina aka: Mockingbird.

I love you all!!! By the way, I am planning on an epilogue…


	8. Epilouge

Epilogue

It had been well over a year since Merry had been sick, and all our Hobbits had gone to their respective homes. Sam had moved in to Bag End, to 'be closer to his work'. Merry had gone back to Buckland, and Pippin to Tookland. Of course, neither spent much time without the other. Whenever Merry was in Buckland you could expect Pippin to be there, or coming up within a week.

Merry's parents had been rather surprised and a slight bit angry that their son was 'one of those types'. However, once they saw the two of them together their hearts melted and readily accepted them both. Pippin's parents had been quite a piece of work, as Paladin was deeply against it. Mainly because Pippin was his only blood heir, and he wasn't ready to let go of the family title. Pippin was quite lucky to have Eglantine as a mother, and she quickly rode Paladin down. She had a very good argument.

Eventually both families gave Merry and Pippin their blessing. Of course, being two lads, they couldn't get married. So they made plans to instead move to the house in Crickhollow, which still belonged to Frodo anyway. Frodo had decided he owned far too much property anyway, and figured giving it to Merry and Pippin was better than giving anything to Sackville-Bagginses.

All in all, everything worked out, and the Shire was up two happily madly in love couples, weather they knew it or not. And Eglantine's argument? Who really wants Pippin taking care of Tookland?

* * *

A/N: Merry's disease was an actual affliction. Lyme disease. It results from an infected tick bite, and can result in hallucinations, muscle weakness, irregular pulse, and a rash.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed and saw this through to the end!


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